The haze was as bad as yesterday when my mum drove me to Bukit Jalil this morning. I was going there not because I miss my university very much and can’t even let it out of my sight during holidays but I really needed to shift my things to my new room or else I would be doing everything at last minutes.

Nothing interesting happened when I was moving my stuff,just felt lucky that I ate my breakfast because it is more energy consuming than I thought. Exahusted,drenched in sweat,I walked to the stalls nearby and bought lunch. The stalls were just opposite the university and something caught my eyes. I recognised a group of people from my batch carrying books or rather notes and stethoscopes walking down the ram from the uni. They wore formal and even looked formal. My new roommate nudged me.

“Ey,look,what are they doing in uni during holidays?”

Both of us were thinking at the same time. Having fun in the student lounge? Didn’t seem like it. Playing sports? No way,their attire gave them away. Oh-no…can’t be. They seriously can’t be studying or practising clinical skills during holidays,not when we really deserve this “hard-earned” HOLIDAYS. I might be wrong but the history claimed otherwise. Our seniors actually saw some of our batchmates studying in the library during last holidays.

So my title comes into play-mydriasis. According to wikipedia,”mydriasis is an excessive dilation of the pupil due to disease,trauma or the use of drugs. Normally,pupil dilates in the dark and constricts in the light to improve vividity at night and to protect the retina from sunlight damage during the day. A mydriatic pupil will remain excessively large even in a bright environment and is sometimes colloquially referred to as a “blown pupil.””

Yes,I was almost sure that my pupils dilated,according to the physiology behind this at least. I was a bit shocked. I just can’t understand. Can’t medical students do something other than anatomy,microbiology,pathology and blah blah blah? Why must they be so overly disciplined?? Why do they have to be so serious all the time??? Bewildered and perplexed,I tried not to think what would I look like in their minds,having not studying a tiny bit so far.

At last,everything was done. Furnitures cleaned. Floor cleaned thrice. Obsessive compulsive disorder? (again=P)


I’m a survivor


NO,you can’t give up,keep studying,you can make it through,you will definitely pass your EOS. Trying to convince myself for the umpteenth times that I will pass the exam seemed to lose it’s motivational effect as the feeling of betraying myself bacame greater with each time I told myself. 

Despair+sense of hopelessness+stress+dread+worries+desperation all came together,well past my endurance. I dunno if I can survive this…  


IT has been 13 days since I survived EOS 2. You probably must be thinking that what’s so big deal about it? It’s just  like any other exam in the world. Well, EOS 2 is different from anything I’ve experienced before. In fact,it’s so much different. It stands for End of Semester 2 exam which is undertaken by first year medical students in IMU upon completing their second semester. People say sem2 resembles a killer sem because of this deadly exam as it eliminates those who are incompetent to continue their medical course. Statistically,approximately 30-40 students each batch are victimised. Those who failed have to go through another month of torture again as they have to go for the remedial class and prepare for the resit papers. In other words,they don’t get to enjoy holidays. And,if the candidates fail this exam again,they are required to repeat sem1 or sem 2 or worse,being kicked out.

Kicking Start

STARING at the big piles of notes…the knowledge required…that is seemingly endless,borderless. Okay,I have got to start mugging up my notes or I will have to face the consequences very soon.


THROUGHOUT the study breaks,I think this is one of the feelings that has haunted me the most. Guilty,because I have slept more than I should. Guilty,because I was not happy with my progression. Guilty,because I spent too much time bathing,eating and resting. Guilty,because I couldn’t stay up late enough.

I Looked Like A Crap

LOOKING at my reflection in the mirror,what appeared is a girl,with a pale face. Pale as in distinctly greenish tinge to the skin. A pair of tired eyes with dark shadows beneath them. Dull and messy hair due to lack of nourishment with conditioner and treatment. Chapped and cracked lips. Oh,I looked horrible but I was consoling myself,never mind,everything will be back to normal after exam.

Side Effects

MAYBE I was being hypochondriac but I felt like vomiting sometimes probably because I have “eaten” too much notes until my stomach was too full to take in anymore. “Flight and Fight” situation took over. Adrenaline was rushing through my blood giving me tachycardia and palpitation. My heart was beating so fast and so forcefully that I could literally feel it. As such,it took me some time to get into sleep and made my behavior irritating.

The Battle

I didn’t sleep much on the day before the 1st day of EOS. I wanted to fight till the last moment,just like the spirit possessed by the soldiers at war time=P I was praying hard when lying on my bed. The sunlight was scorching while I was walking to the battle place on the next day,hoping that I won’t faint. SAQ was awful. 24 questions within 2 hours,that was crazy. It was as if the questions are laughing maliciously at me,challenging me if I can defeat any of them. Frowning at the papers,racking my brain to recall what I had been cramming into it weeks before,I tried my best to fill in the blanks. Times up,there were loads of blanks on my papers,I didn’t know if I’m writing the right thing,having just the feeling that I can’t even get half of them correct. I think I got zero for all the biostatistic questions. OBA was much better,at least I could browse through the answers and just chose the best one. This could be appplied even when I have no faintest idea at all. The day before the last paper(OSPE) was even worse than any of the day during my study break. Dreading that OSPE would be just the same as SAQ,I forced myself to study and try to identify all the bacteria,viruses,fungi,parasites,cancers…they looked about the same to me. Having slept as little as the previous night,I was ready to sit for the last paper. There were a total of 24 stations and few rest stations in the exam hall. We were given 5 minutes in each station. A buzzer was responsible to startle us every 5 minutes. Overall,I think I did better in OSPE compared to the freaking SAQ. Hoping all the time and effort that I had spent in the medical museum wouldn’t go in vain.

I’m Alive and Breathing Again

BREATHING in lungfuls of fresh air,the invisible bands compressing my lungs all the while seemed to burst open.  Felt so greatful because I was able to breath like this which I took it for granted before. Shouting with joys along with my buddies,we went as wild as we could as a release of whatever feelings that pent up within us all the while. The rewards after all the hard work? Movies (we watched Xmen Origin The  Wolverine & Angels and Demons),Sunway Lagoon(I dun mind getting some sunburn and getting my skin tanned),lunches,teas,dinners and shopping. WHOA! At home? Drama drama drama,novels novels novels,0nline online online…quite meaningless but I have been enjoying though.


HAVING waited for 10 days,the results were finally coming out. Praying that I will pass,if possible,with flying colours,I took a deep breath and tore open my result slip with my shaky hands. The next moment…YEAH! I was immediately elated and was in the utmost euphoria. I felt a very great sense of achivement not having just make it through the hard time but also passed the thoughest exam I have ever experienced. 

I realised one thing: God has answered my prayers. Never will he leave me,never will he forsake me.  




看着永远像山一样高的书本,听着永远也不会为我而停的秒针……心里面承受的压力越来越大,毕竟这和我以往的考试方式不一样。我压力好大,不敢想象如果考不好,我的下场会怎么样。 重考?留级??开除???可是大学的考试我真的没把握啊。范围这么广,这么多东西背,而且又不一定会记得。我知道就算举白旗投降也于事无补,命运注定了我必须战死沙场。熬夜读书是无法避免的了。





但眼前隔着一片薄纱   模糊不清

也许   我已迷失了方向







Emo Part 1







Emo Part 2













在你的人生中  你是编剧   你是导演   你是主角

若想让你的电影得奖   就千万不要轻易被其他人影响 

让你的电影有个完美的happy ending

里面的主角  没有任何的演技

里面的故事   没有任何的剧本

但却是最真实   最精彩的


片名叫   人生


我忙碌的时刻   是你们空闲的时间

我已经忙完时   你们却在忙了

以前   我不知道

原来身在同一个国度   也有时差