2008 Reflection

 

My blog is full of ivy or it has rusted after such a long period without any maintenance. But what matters is I decided not to abandon this blog. I know it is a bit too late to post up this particular blog now. The reasons for this were that I was really, and seriously indulged in the first novel of twilight saga series-Twilight. Well, thanks to Stephenie Meyer but I still haven’t watched the movie though. Besides, I was busy shopping for my Chinese new year clothes with my mum while she still had her holidays.

January…

Okay, enough for the small talk. I remember 2008 started with my second A-levels exam (part of A2 papers and AS practical) so I guess I didn’t really enjoy the new year. Yes, that was my first ever practical exam in my life, my blood was full of adrenaline and cortisol hormone of course. But I managed to fight against it and calmed myself down or I would break the glassware and spill the solutions, most probably.

My mum and I went to stay at my grandpa’s place for a few days after exam. It had been very long since last I visited him as I was too busy with my studies and stuff. I realized that I missed him so much and wondering whether he is going to blame me for not visiting him often enough at the same time. Frankly, I didn’t really like interacting with children, or so I thought. But I was so surprised when I practically enjoyed playing along with my young cousin brothers and sister.

February…

Spent my Chinese new year holidays at grandma’s and aunt’s as usual. I was so pissed off by the hot weather but easily pleased by angpows and steamboat. The last semester of A-levels began immediately after new year break. I don’t want to talk much about the life in college but there are 3 things for sure:

1. Stressful

2. Depression

3. Lonely

I can say college life is the worst time of my life, or I hope, at least. But this semester is somehow a little better than the previous ones. Maybe I didn’t have to take any LAN subjects and got to go back earlier. And possibly I was anticipating for the end of this course as it got sooner everyday.

March…

April…

May…

I was in the state of euphoria when I received my conditional offer letter from IMU. I know it’s not from Cambridge or NUS but I was already contented at that point. I still remembered the waves of depression and anxiety washed over me when I was struggling with IELTS, worrying that I couldn’t meet up the university’s requirement. Then, I was perturbed by a pessimistic theory–couldn’t get a place in IMU. Luckily it all went very well.

A-levels exam finally started. Tinky and Winky gave birth to baby hamsters.

June…

Torturing and tormenting college life is over at last.

July…

August…

A Big Turning Point of My Life—-the starting of University Life!

A brand new start!

A new hope!

September…

October…

November…

December…

Summative 1 exam is on 31^st. My wild “celebration” of after-exam-break had begun.

So much had happened in these few months that they all appear as a blur and yet with a few images stand out clearly and vividly among the rest. If I were to talk about every event with every detail, I think I wouldn’t be able to stop writing. Still, I will try to post up some of my thoughts or the incidents that occurred throughout the first semester. Hope they are interesting enough to make you keep reading my blog =)

 

忆

“为什么不要选择STPM？”

“不要啦，读STPM要等半年才开学，而且又要放弃物理或生物，这怎么行呢？还是要A-Levels，读完后可以出国留学啊。”

“……”（想得美！）

真不知道我这个人到底是怎么了，考完SPM后，不顾父母的反对，硬要选择到精英大学（HELP University College）去读A-Levels。离家最近的拉曼学院（TAR College）都不知怎么的从我脑袋里消失得无踪无影了。要到一个自己从没去过的地方求学，要到一间人才济济的学院上课，还有综合了很多很多其他的因素。。。早都该打消这个念头啦! 可是当时的我超级focus，根本就不管这么多，只知道向前冲！

嘿嘿，好戏就在后头咯。

开学第一天一大早就乘搭轻快铁从Wangsa Maju 一直到 Bangsar。然后再搭 Rapid KL 巴士T634号。轻快铁和巴士都显得非常拥挤，令人很不舒服耶！真讨厌。。。大约过了一小时后，总算抵达了学院的main block。看到这样陌生的环境，人群中一张张陌生的脸孔，天哪，还要用英语沟通的！那时候的我超紧张的，心脏都快跳出来了。

我顿时变成一个几乎哑巴的女孩了。

读了小学六年，中学五年，想想看。。。嗯，好像都从没用过英语来与别人沟通。老师也只会教Grammar,Essay,Literature,Comprehension…没有speaking？这下可惨啦，接下来的日子要怎么过呢？难道要当哑巴一辈子吗？

就像“哑子吃黄连，有苦说不出”一样，有好多好多的话想说，可是，我的脑子只会跟我玩英文词句重组。眼睁睁的看着人家有说有笑地在交朋友，真是羡慕。我当然有很努力地说我那broken到不能再broken的english，每次有pronounciation或grammar错误时，都觉得很丢脸。而且，同学们一脸迷惑的看着我，似乎不懂我在说什么，真令我尴尬啊！就在那一刻，我第一次非常想念华文。。。说英语时，觉得自己都不像自己了。为什么就不能说自己的母语？！这样很辛苦耶！课，也是用英文来上的，真叫我难以适应。讲师们的要求很高，为我增添了几分学习压力。更糟的是，那里的学生都是在富有的家庭中成长的，有着与我不一样的生活原则，生活习惯及思想。这像是一堵墙，阻挡着友谊的发展。不管我多么的努力，始终都无法穿过它。于是，我便成了他们眼中的怪物或外星人。放学回家，整个人像疯了一样，傻傻的，呆呆的，静静的，坐在房间里，什么也没想，什么也没做。觉得自己好像是世界上最孤单的人，这是我从来没有过的感觉啊！

早上闹钟响起时，我并没有以感激的心告诉自己我还活着；我却埋怨为何不要永远睡着，永远不要醒来。那时的我多么的希望自己生病，就有个理由不用去上学了；我想：干嘛去上课？有用吗？这么努力，这么执著，值得吗？很痛苦，很想放弃，很想向命运低头。。。还记得我也有打算转去读中六的念头，可笑吧？

我哭了。

泪水穿破了防堤，急急的冲了出来。 我的心好痛好痛，痛得难忍，痛得快窒息了！唉，累了。。。

接下来的日子，我自己也不知道是如何度过的。印象中，每天都好像是在忙碌，不够睡眠，压力和沮丧中度过的。我答应自己，不管怎样，都不许放弃，一定要撑下去；一定要把书念好，考到非常优异的成绩，再申请大学。天天读书的日子固然辛苦，但是要坚持下去才能完成我要当医生的梦想。

终于，在6月19日，我完成了最后一张考卷（化学）。我向一年半的学院生活告别了。